Freak Show

Hey! Urm… Hi. Well, I guess I was just calling ’cause…

I think I lost something. Something crucial. And I figured you’d be able to help me find it.

Remember that time when… Well we’d just met for the first time, right, and I saw you looking at me. Actually, no, – you caught me staring at you. I mean, we were both pretty drunk, I doubt you can remember.

But anyhow, I can.

I’m usually shy. I’m normally quiet. But that night… when we met, something changed. Something came alive in me, or something died. To this day I’m not quite sure. But something definitely changed.

Everyone else fell asleep, remember? It was just me and you up. We talked for some hours. I told you how much I hate boys except the nerdy type with the thick-rimmed glasses and Italian accents. You said you liked quirky girls. And I blushed.

We smoked a dozen cigarettes and stared at the moon and talked about how strange mankind is. Funny, coming from me, right? I mean I’m probably the strangest of them all!

Did you ever like that about me, that I was strange? Or were you just being nice? I won’t be mad… Be honest.

You know what else I just remembered? That time when you invited me over and you slipped off my Nirvana top as we watched a Tim Roth flick. I was really into the movie but I couldn’t help myself as you breathed down my neck. I’m usually too shy for that kind of stuff but I couldn’t resist.

You asked what’s wrong and told me girls do these things together all the time. Lip-biting as I clawed your back with a lustful passion. Driven insane with this wild…desire!

Did you feel it too?

I’m not too sure where you are right now. But I’d really appreciate if you’d help me. I know I’m a little annoying and very awkward, but I promised myself to stop being such a burden to people. Especially you.

I’m a burden sometimes, right?
Am I too much?

I guess I just get a little afraid. I was always afraid of driving people away with my weirdness.

I don’t want to lose… you.

I have no idea where I’ve gone with this, but yeah, I need you to help me find something. That something you straightaway saw in my eyes.

You remember that? Is it a little creepy that I remember on that night when we first met you told me you saw something in my eyes that you liked?

It’s been a while since anyone’s seen anything they like in me. Myself included. So I was just curious. Could you help me find that something? When I look inside the mirror, I can’t find it. I don’t see it.

I feel terrible. Like a mess. I’m on my eleventh cup of coffee today and it’s only 3pm. I’ve run out of cigarettes but I feel too fragile to go outside. I feel like the sun will stop shining or some butterfly’s wings will stop fluttering if I go outside. My shrink will be here at any moment now and I think I’ve taken too much Xanax.

How the bloody hell did I start blabbering about butterflies and Xanax? Typical me, right? I can never just get straight to the point. I’ll go around the world trying to explain my weird emotions and social-anxiety but never get to the damn point!

Anyway, I doubt you’ll even listen to this. I don’t blame you. I talk a lot of random, irrelevant shit most of the time anyway. But if for some reason you feel to, gimme a call when you get this.


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